wanted: someone to be the boss of me

I spend a lot of time in my life trying to decide what to do. What should I eat? What should I wear? How should I pay that bill? What should I do with my “extra money”? (Okay, that doesn’t happen too often, I admit.) How can I start cleaning my pig sty of a room? What’s the best way to pay off my debt? What can I do to get through my next months at my job that I HATE without melting my brain and being absolutely miserable???

The one that’s been bothering me that I feel like I can do something about it is cleaning my room. That shouldn’t be hard, right? I just start picking stuff up, putting stuff away, and folding clothes. Then there’s paper shredding and deciding what to keep and what to throw away, and how to throw some of that stuff away, and then dealing with the actual disposal and going and doing stuff and… I get all lost in the contemplation of all that, and I totally get caught, and then I have to lie down and read or something equally as non-constructive. It’s like writer’s block, only room-cleaning block.

So in the car on the way home, I got the idea to get an organizer–just bring someone in for a day or a few hours over a couple of days. I remember last year sometime one of my roommates had an organizer for a little while, and I was thinking I could maybe get her info from him and see if she can come help me out. Depending on how much she costs, of course.

Then I got to thinking that I really need more than someone to just organize my room. I need someone to tell me what I need to do. Not what I should do; not my options of things from which to choose; not a soft little suggestion. Someone needs to tell me what to do–with my money, with my time, with my stuff. There can be some discussion, because I discuss, and the boss of me needs to be able to adjust every now and then if I have good reasoning for not doing something specific.

From here, I’d say the best person for this position would be my mom, but I don’t think she’d be up for that anymore. Yes, she’s still my mom; yes, we talk and discuss various avenues of actions and things, and I actually tend to take her advice on a lot of stuff. But the last time I asked her to help me organize my stuff, it didn’t go well. She was worried that she might push me into something I didn’t want to do. But I needed her to tell me what to do… *sigh*

So I’ll start with the organizer, I guess, and see what I can do from there.

But a regular boss for all the decisions I need to make from day to day…that’s what I really want. You know, until I wake up tomorrow morning after sleeping well and everything looks better than it does tonight. But still getting the organizer.



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