Or I thought I had something to say. It seems to have gone away…
Maybe I should write poetry. 😉
Editing this now…because I remember.
Remember that guy (or girl, depending on who’s reading this!) you fell in love with when you were a freshman in high school? How awesome he was, how smart, how nice and funny and sweet and just adorable?
Think of encountering that guy in your life twenty years later. You’re grown up, he’s (supposedly) older and wiser, and every time you think of him, your silly little heart goes thumpa thumpa. You chat on FB, you email some, you text some, you laugh, maybe meet up once or twice. And you realize you still totally carry a torch for this guy. And he’s having some marital issues, and he talks about divorce. Not as a promise of anything, mind you–just in general.
Through a series of ridiculous “meet me”s and “sorry, plans changed”s, you realize that this is not going to go anywhere. No matter how often you’ve told yourself ,”This is NOT going to go anywhere. I’m going to wait for him to call me, and not wait around for him!”, you find yourself thinking about him, dreaming about him, imagining dates, imagining going for walks together, hanging out watching movies and being silly together, imagining sex…
I want this to go away. Every time I see a comment on FB from him, or an email from him, my heart goes thumpa thumpa thumpa. Again. It’s not a constant torture or anything, like something that keeps me awake at night; just something that pops up from time to time. I’ve told people I’m completely over it and soooo not waiting for him to make any sort of move (since now he apparently seems to be making up with his wife), and yet… Here I sit, on the chaise with the cats and my laptop, griping about him AGAIN. Not out with someone else, not even having a possibility of something else. Just me, cats, chaise, laptop.
So…that’s what I wanted to say.